6 Pembunuh Kelompok Kecil

Berikut ini saya mengutip tulisan Neal F. McBride yang berjudul “Six Small Group Killers”. Isinya sangat inspiratif dan memberi kita warning tentang hal-hal yang harus kita cegah terjadi dalam kelompok kecil kita. Semoga menjadi berkat. Thanks kepada Billy N. buat kirimannya ini, dan juga buat Ming Chen yang telah bersusah payah menerjemahkan.

Six Small Group Killers

Neal F. McBride

The old gunslinger stumbles in the dust, clutching his side. He turns to the youngster, his eyes already glazing over, and coughs out, “Ya can’t dodge a bullet if it’s got yer name on it, Kid.”

This classic scene from an old Western movie flashed into mind as I sat planning the coming year for my small group. I wondered what “bullets” of ignorance or lack of planning might prematurely kill off the life of my group if I didn’t try to deflect them ahead of time.

Here are six dangers that stalk small groups. Think of these “killers” as bullets with your group’s name on them. You’re lined up in the sights—but with God’s help, your group can dodge the fire.

AIMLESSNESS

“He who aims at nothing will surely miss it,” the old saying goes. Many groups start out with more excitement than direction. They don’t identify a clear purpose for forming the group. If they do have a purpose, it’s often so vague that it doesn’t make any difference in what the group actually does. To head off the bullet of aimlessness, bring up this question at one of your meetings: “What is the purpose of our group?” If you can’t come up with a clear answer, get to work on it. People will tolerate aimlessness for a while, but they’ll soon drop out when something more interesting captures their attention. Most people have trouble participating when they don’t really know why they’re involved and they can’t identify the results.

Consider these five ways to dodge the aimlessness bullet:

• Identify a purpose for the group before scheduling the first meeting. This doesn’t have to be set in concrete—even a tentative focus will help. But make sure you have some definition in mind to help direct your initial planning and decision-making.

• Use the group’s purpose as a basis on which to invite others to participate in it. People are more likely to respond positively when they know why a group is being formed.

• During the first meeting(s), discuss the group’s reason for existence. Talking through the group’s purpose, clarifying misunderstandings, negotiating changes, and securing a final agreement on why the group exists and what you hope to accomplish is critical to a successful group experience.

• Conduct periodic reviews of the group’s purpose(s) to make sure you’re on the right track. This in-flight check is an important tool for following through on your early decisions regarding group goals.

• When the group reaches the end of its existence, evaluate how well it fulfilled its aims. Did you carry out your purposes? Why or why not? Celebrate your successes and identify the areas that needed improvement. This step will help provide satisfying closure and give you insights to take into your next group experience.

POOR LEADERSHIP

A second bullet that could be heading your way is poor leadership. No single factor has greater potential for killing off a group than its leader (you or someone else). Too much or too little leadership can be fatal. The domineering taskmaster is just as dangerous as the spineless wonder.

Whatever their personal style, leaders must want the role and feel comfortable in it. They must model excitement about the group’s ministry potential as well as commitment to the group’s success. They should also understand group dynamics, enjoy serving people, and be able to communicate a clear vision.

Above all, leaders should be in a growing relationship with Christ and be eager to assist others in that same process.

The “death-by-leader” bullet is avoidable. If you’re the group leader, commit yourself to becoming the type of leader God can use to deflect Satan’s bullets. If you’re seeking a group leader, start with a careful selection and training process.

But remember to be realistic. No leader is perfect. Don’t set up such high expectations that nobody will meet the criteria. I look for leaders who are faithful, available, and teachable.

THE WRONG MIX

“Since God’s family includes people of all ages and backgrounds, so should our group.” This attitude, laudable as it may be, can end up firing the bullet of the wrong mix. The issue here is composition.

Groups that merge all types and ages of people can work, but in the long run they often don’t.

Unless members already have strong social bonds, such as in a very small church, most people will simply feel uncomfortable in a group with others who do not share their interests and experiences.

On the other hand, groups that try too hard to be homogeneous can fall into the trap of exclusivism. Members can be so familiar with each other that the group lacks a healthy stimulation from within. A group of people who are all alike can be the wrong mix, too.

When composition is ignored, Satan is quick to turn it into a deadly bullet. How can you dodge either extreme?

First, try structuring your group around people who are approximately the same age. A ten-year spread tends to work well. People in the same age group are more likely to have similar needs and interests. Most churches with successful small group ministries—i.e. at least 50 percent of adult members participate—follow this principle.

Second, give people a choice in which group they join. This flexibility will prevent rigid grouping systems based only on age (or some other factor), which can be as troublesome as a completely open-ended approach to composition.

Third, discuss the issue of composition in your group. If everyone is comfortable with widely varying ages in the group, fine—but do it by design, not by default.

Keep in mind that personality differences inevitably arise, regardless of age differences or similarities. Encourage each other to show “forbearance to one another in love” (Eph. 4:2), but recognize the legitimacy of people changing groups because of personality differences when other solutions have not worked.

SHALLOWNESS

When members keep each other at an emotional arm’s length, their interaction quickly deteriorates. The group may not die right away, but it can stagnate, lose members, and shrink to little more than a burden on busy calendars.

Shallowness is often a silent bullet triggered by negligence. Nobody intends to be superficial; it’s simply easier to stick to studying than to deal with each other’s needs and feelings.

Members start maintaining a dignified, polite exterior regardless of what’s happening on the inside.

How can a group work its way back from shallowness without having to conduct therapy sessions? Here are some ideas that have worked for me.

• Recognize that most people aren’t skilled in establishing and maintaining relationships. It’s a learning process for most of us, and few of our churches provide assistance. Armed with this realization, you’re better able to keep your expectations realistic and exercise greater patience with group members, the process, and yourself.

• Take time in your group to deal with group process. Talk occasionally about how things are going—what people are thinking and how they’re feeling about being in a group. This needn’t be a time of heavy corporate introspection—just an opportunity to take the group’s relational pulse. Remember: It takes time to mature as a group.

• Structure discussions and activities into your group sessions that encourage expression of personal attitudes, opinions, and feelings. When you do this, set some ground rules: (1) members are not forced to share, especially in matters they prefer to keep private, (2) attacking another’s feelings or opinions is not allowed, (3) nobody may dominate the group’s time, and (4) no member is expected to be perfect.

Especially in the group’s early stages, consider subdividing into groups of two to four people for discussion, prayer, etc. This strategy provides a comfort zone for learning to be open and honest with each other.

INDIVIDUALISM

“What’s in it for me?” is a common question in our me-first society.

Individualism is always potentially deadly to groups. It can take many forms: spotty attendance, a demand for specific behavior or activities, withdrawing from discussion—anything that elevates one member’s desires over the needs of the group and its members. Satan is very creative in getting us to judge and evaluate other members, and our group as a whole, from a selfish perspective.

Individualism runs exactly counter to what most small groups are attempting to build—Christian community, spiritual growth, mutual caring. The antidote is not trading in self-identities for group identity, but striking a balance between personal and group needs.

A group’s best defense against the bullet of individualism lies with its individual members. Beginning with the first meeting, discuss the vision for the group and the benefits of being in it. Help each other realize that membership entails a serious commitment to the other members, to attendance, and to active participation in group activities.

As in the strategy against shallowness, take the group’s relational pulse periodically. Be prepared: the day is likely to come when you must confront a group member (or yourself) with his or her individualistic orientation because it is injurious to the group. Your goal should be to correct the problem without crushing the person. Approach this person in private and with a humble attitude. Be honest but sensitive in your choice of words.

COMPETITION

We live in a busy world. Many opportunities clamor for our attention. How many times have you caught yourself thinking, Let me see . . . should I go to my small group or to ______? (You supply the alternative.) Satan is loading another bullet into his gun. Prepare to duck.

Far too often churches and other Christian organizations unwittingly set up competitive programming. People respond by choosing from activities like items on a menu, making decisions based on personal taste rather than on a sense of calling.

To head off competition at the pass, first determine whether the potential for it exists in your situation. Competition most often originates in structures created by the host church or organization. Ask, Are groups just one of many options, or are they integral to the life and existence of my church or organization? Are other programs scheduled at conflicting times?

Once you answer these questions, clearly establish with group members the level of commitment and expected participation. Membership should be by choice, not by default.

If your meetings conflict with other activities, consider rescheduling them so you’re not in competition with these other programs. Or, consult leaders in your church or organization and ask for their help in solving the dilemma.

BULLET-PROOFING YOUR GROUP

One of the best shields for all six of these bullets is a group covenant.

Although a written covenant may not be appropriate for all groups, it can work well in many groups as a tool for recruiting members, monitoring group progress, and evaluating the success of the group experience.

Use a covenant to outline the purpose of the group, expectations for participation, logistical details (e.g., time and location of meetings), and anything else you feel is important to establish up front. It can be drafted by the group or by the leader and then edited by the members.

If your group does take a hit from one of Satan’s bullets, the wound need not be fatal. Apply first-aid quickly—prayer, good leadership, and committed members willing to deal with the difficult issues. Proper treatment can bring about full recovery.

You can dodge a bullet with your name on it, Kid. But don’t step out into the line of fire without God’s protection. Depend on Him and be alert—and you’ll see those deadly missiles go whizzing harmlessly into the dust.

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Terjemahan bahasa Indonesia

Sang koboi tua terhuyung sambil memegangi perutnya. Ia berpaling ke si koboi muda. Dengan mata yang nanar ia terbatuk dan berkata, “Kamu tak akan bisa menghindari peluru yang ditakdirkan untukmu, Nak.”

Adegan klasik dari sebuah film koboi tua ini terlintas di benak saya saat saya sedang merencanakan program kelompok kecil (KK) saya setahun ke depan. Saya bertanya-tanya apakah “peluru” ketidakpedulian atau ketidaksiapan akan membunuh KK saya bila saya tidak mencoba menangkal mereka dari sekarang.

Berikut adalah enam bahaya yang menghantui KK. Mereka adalah “peluru-peluru yang ditakdirkan” untuk KK kita, dan kita sudah berada dalam sasaran tembak. Tapi dengan pertolongan Tuhan, KK kita dapat menghindari peluru-peluru tersebut.

KETIDAKADAAN TUJUAN

Pepatah tua mengatakan, “Dia yang tidak menargetkan apapun, pasti tidak akan mencapai apapun.” Banyak KK diawali dengan antusiasme tinggi namun melupakan arahan. Seringkali sebuah KK dimulai tanpa adanya tujuan yang jelas. Atau, bila mereka memiliki tujuan, seringkali tujuannya kurang jelas dan akhirnya tidak membawa arahan bagi KK tersebut. Maka, cobalah tanyakan pertanyaan berikut, “Apakah tujuan dari KK kita?” Bila kita tidak dapat memberikan jawaban yang jelas, pikirkanlah. Manusia hanya akan bertahan dengan ketidak adaan tujuan untuk waktu yang singkat, sesudah itu, mereka akan berpaling kepada hal yang lebih menarik.

Kebanyakan kita akan kesulitan berpartisipasi bila mereka tidak tahu mengapa mereka ada di sana dan mereka tidak dapat melihat adanya hasil. Renungkanlah lima cara untuk menghindari peluru ketidak adaan tujuan berikut:

1. Tetapkanlah tujuan KK sebelum pertemuan pertama dimulai. Tujuan tersebut belum tentu akan menjadi tujuan permanen KK tersebut, akan tetapi pastikanlah ada beberapa pemikiran awal untuk membantu perencanaan awal dan pengambilan keputusan.
2. Gunakanlah tujuan KK sebagai dasar untuk mengundang anggota KK. Rata-rata kita akan lebih mudah mengatakan “ya” bila kita mengetahui tujuan dari grup kita dibentuk.
3. Dalam beberapa pertemuan awal KK, diskusikanlah tujuan dari KK tersebut. Keberhasilan dari KK sangat tergantung dari diskusi mengenai tujuan KK, menyamakan visi, menegosiasikan perubahan, dan menetapkan keputusan akhir mengenai tujuan KK dan apa yang diharapkan dari KK tersebut.
4. Adakanlah peninjauan berkala terhadap tujuan-tujuan KK untuk memastikan kita berada di jalan yang tepat. Peninjauan ini bermanfaat untuk menindak lanjuti keputusan-keputusan awal kita mengenai apa yang ingin dicapai KK.
5. Ketika KK tersebut selesai, evaluasilah pencapaian KK tersebut. Berhasilkan tujuan-tujuan KK dicapai? Mengapa ya atau mengapa tidak? Rayakanlah keberhasilan kita dan pelajari yang kurang berhasil. Langkah ini akan memberikan penutupan yang baik bagi KK tersebut sekaligus memberikan pelajaran untuk mengadakan KK berikutnya.

KEPEMIMPINAN YANG TIDAK BAIK

Peluru kedua yang kita hadapi adalah lemahnya kepemimpinan. Pemimpin adalah unsur terkuat dalam menentukan kehidupan KK. Terlalu banyak atau terlalu sedikit dapat berakibat fatal. Pemimpin yang terlalu mendominasi sama buruknya dengan pemimpin yang lemah.

Apapun gaya kepemimpinannya, pemimpin KK harus mengingini posisi tersebut dan merasa nyaman menjalankannya. Mereka harus menjadi contoh dalam melayani dan komitmen terhadap keberhasilan KK tersebut. Mereka juga harus memahami perilaku KK, senang melayani, dan mampu mengkomunikasikan visi secara jelas.Yang terutama, para pemimpin haruslah tetap bertumbuh dalam Kristus dan bersemangat untuk menolong orang lain bertumbuh.

“Peluru” kepemimpinan ini bisa dihindarkan. Bila kita adalah pemimpin KK, buatlah komitmen untuk menjadi pemimpin yang dipakai Tuhan menangkal peluru Setan. Bila kita sedang mencari pemimpin KK, lakukanlah pemilihan dan pelatihan yang seksama. Tapi ingat, tidak ada pemimpin yang sempurna. Jangan menetapkan standar yang terlalu tinggi hingga tidak ada orang yang sesuai. Saya pribadi mencari pemimpin-pemimpin yang setia, bersedia, dan mau belajar.

KOMPOSISI ANGGOTA YANG SALAH

“Sama seperti tubuh Kristus terdiri atas orang dari berbagai usia dan latar belakang, maka KK kita juga harus demikian.” Pemikiran ini sekalipun baik, dapat mengakibatkan peluru komposisi yang salah. KK yang menggabungkan berbagai macam orang dari beragam usia dapat berhasil, tetapi lebih seringnya tidak. Selain bila para anggota sudah memiliki ikatan yang kuat, rata-rata orang tidak merasa nyaman bila berada dalam kelompok yang terlalu berbeda.

Di sisi lain, kelompok dengan anggota yang terlalu setipe dapat dengan mudah menjadi kelompok yang eksklusif. Akibatnya, terkadang sulit untuk dapat menstimulasi kelompok tersebut dari dalam. Kelompok yang terlalu serupa dapat menjadi komposisi yang salah pula.

Saat komposisi tidak diperdulikan, Setan dapat dengan mudah memakainya menjadi peluru yang mematikan. Lalu bagaimana kita dapat menghindari kedua titik ekstrim tersebut?

Pertama, cobalah bentuk KK yang terdiri dari orang-orang yang berusia dekat. Sepuluh tahun biasanya menjadi cakupan umur yang baik. Orang-orang dalam kelompok usia yang sama biasanya memiliki kebutuhan dan minat yang lebih serupa. Mayoritas gereja dengan program KK yang berhasil (lebih dari 50% anggota dewasanya terlibat KK) biasanya mengikuti prinsip ini.

Kedua, biarkan orang memilih KK yang ingin mereka ikuti. Hal ini akan menghindari pengelompokan kaku berdasarkan usia (atau hal-hal lain), yang dapat menjadi masalah sama seperti kelompok yang terlalu tercampur baur.

Ketiga, diskusikan masalah komposisi ini di dalam KK. Bila setiap anggota merasa nyaman dengan ragam usia yang berbeda, teruskan- tetapi jangan jadikan patokan bagi setiap KK.

Ingatlah bahwa perbedaan-perbedaan pasti akan muncul. Doronglah setiap anggota untuk “menunjukkan kasih dalam hal saling membantu” (Ef 4:2), tetapi izinkanlah bila ada anggota yang ingin berpindah KK karena perbedaan yang ada tidak dapat diselesaikan.

KEDANGKALAN

Kala para anggota menjaga jarak satu sama lain, relasi mereka dengan cepat pudar. KK mungkin tidak akan mati mendadak, tapi akan terjadi stagnasi, kehilangan anggota, dan akhirnya hanya menjadi rutinitas yang membebani.

Kedangkalan seringkali adalah peluru tersembunyi yang dimulai dari ketidakpedulian. Seringkali lebih mudah hanya mendalami Firman daripada menghadapi masalah dan perasaan anggota-anggota lain.

Lalu bagaimana sebuah KK dapat kembali dari kedangkalan tanpa harus menjalani terapi? Berikut adalah beberapa hal yang telah berhasil bagi KK saya.

• Sadari bahwa tidak semua orang dapat dengan mudah membangun dan membina hubungan. Kebanyakan kita harus belajar, dan seringkali gereja tidak membantu. Dengan menyadari hal ini, kita harus menjaga agar harapan kita tetap membumi dan bersabar terhadap para anggota, proses pembinaan hubungan, dan diri kita sendiri.

• Sediakan waktu untuk membina hubungan. Bicarakan secara rutin apa yang sedang terjadi-apa yang dipikirkan dan dirasakan para anggota tentang KK tersebut. Santai saja, tidak perlu terlalu mendalam. Ingat: butuh waktu untuk mendewasakan KK.

• Arahkan diskusi dan kegiatan yang mendorong anggota untuk mengungkapkan pendapat, perasaan, dan sikap pribadi. Dalam melakukan hal ini, buatlah beberapa aturan dasar:

1. tidak ada paksaan bagi anggota untuk sharing, terutama dalam hal-hal yang mereka anggap pribadi,
2. dilarang keras menyerang perasaan atau pendapat orang lain,
3. jangan biarkan satu orang mendominasi waktu yang ada,
4. ingatkan bahwa tidak ada seorangpun yang sempurna.

Di awal KK, ada baiknya Kk dibagi menjadi kelompok dua sampai empat orang untuk mengadakan diskusi, doa, dll. Hal ini akan menciptakan lingkungan yang nyaman bagi para anggota untuk dapat belajar terbuka dan jujur.

INDIVIDUALISME

“Apa untungnya buat saya?” adalah kalimat yang sangat diagungkan masyarakat sekarang. Individualisme selalu menjadi momok yang berbahaya bagi KK. Ada beragam jenis: kehadiran yang semaunya, tuntutan agar para anggota bertindak atau beraktivitas tertentu, menarik diri dari diskusi-segala hal yang meninggikan keinginan satu orang di atas kebutuhan KK dan anggotanya. Setan sangat suka membuat kita menghakimi anggota yang lain dan KK kita dari sudut pandang yang egois.

Individualisme adalah kebalikan dari apa yang hendak dibangun KK, yaitu komunitas Kristiani, pertumbuhan rohani, dan saling mengasihi. Obatnya bukanlah membuang identitas pribadi, tetapi menyeimbangkan antara kebutuhan pribadi dan kebutuhan KK.

Pertahanan terbaik bagi peluru individualisme berada di dalam diri tiap-tiap anggota. Sejak awal, diskusikanlah visi KK dan keuntungan berada di dalamnya. Bantulah satu sama lain untuk menyadari bahwa keanggotaan menuntut komitmen serius terhadap anggota yang lain, kehadiran, dan partisipasi dalam aktivitas KK.

Sama seperti cara menghadapi kedangkalan, adakan evaluasi secara berkala. Siaplah, harinya akan datang di mana kita harus menegur seorang anggota (atau bahkan diri kita sendiri) akan keegoisannya yang membahayakan KK. Kita harus mencoba memperbaiki masalah dan bukan menekan anggota tersebut. Jangkaulah orang tersebut secara pribadi dan dengan rendah hati. Jujurlah, tetapi pikirkan baik-baik perkataan Anda.

KOMPETISI

Kita hidup di dunia yang sibuk. Berbagai hal mencoba menarik perhatian kita. Tanyakanlah diri Anda seberapa sering Anda berpikir, “Hmmm, mending KK atau ____, yah?” (isilah alternatifnya). Setan sedang mengisi pistolnya, bersiaplah menghindar.

Seringkali gereja dan organisasi Kristiani lain secara tidak sadar mengadakan program yang saling berkompetisi. Akhirnya jemaat dipaksa memilih aktivitas sama seperti memilih menu makanan, yaitu didasarkan atas kesukaan pribadi dan bukan atas panggilan.

Pertama-tama, pikirkanlah kompetisi-kompetisi yang mungkin ada untuk KK kita. Seringkali kompetisi tersebut berasal dari gereja kita sendiri. Tanyakanlah, apakah KK hanyalah satu dari beberapa pilihan, ataukah KK adalah penting bagi keberlangsungan hidup gereja kita? Apakah acara-acara lain dijadwalkan pada saat yang bersamaan?

Setelah kita mendapatkan jawabannya, diskusikan dengan anggota untuk menentukan komitmen dan kehadiran yang diharapkan. Keanggotaan adalah sukarela dan bukan paksaan.

Bila pertemuan kita bentrok dengan aktivitas lain, pertimbangkanlah untuk menjadwal ulang agar KK tersebut tidak berkompetisi dengan program lain. Atau, berkonsultasilah dengan pemimpin gereja dan mintalah bantuan mereka untuk memecahkan masalah tersebut.

MEMBUAT KK ANTI PELURU

Salah satu pertahanan terbaik untuk keenam peluru tersebut adalah perjanjian KK. Walaupun perjanjian tertulis mungkin tidak tepat bagi setiap KK, hal tersebut dapat menjadi alat yang baik dalam mencari anggota, mengawasi perkembangan KK, dan mengevaluasi keberhasilan KK.

Buatlah perjanjian untuk menjelaskan tujuan KK, harapan, detil logistik (misalnya waktu dan tempat pertemuan, dll), dan hal-hal lain yang dirasa perlu. Perjanjian tersebut dapat disusun oleh KK atau sang pemimpin untuk lalu direvisi para anggota.

Bila Setan ternyata telah berhasil menembak KK kita, lukanya dapat disembuhkan. Cepatlah berdoa, perkuat kepemimpinan, dan tegaskan komitmen dalam menghadapi masalah-masalah yang ada. Dengan tindakan yang tepat, KK kita dapat pulih.

Kita bisa saja menghindari peluru, tetapi jangan kita melangkah maju tanpa perlindungan Tuhan. Bersandarlah pada-Nya dan selalu waspada, niscaya kita akan melihat peluru-peluru tersebut melesat melewati tanpa membahayakan kita.

Six Small Group Killers
Neal F. McBrideThe old gunslinger stumbles in the dust, clutching his side. He turns to the youngster, his eyes already glazing over, and coughs out, “Ya can’t dodge a bullet if it’s got yer name on it, Kid.”
This classic scene from an old Western movie flashed into mind as I sat planning the coming year for my small group. I wondered what “bullets” of ignorance or lack of planning might prematurely kill off the life of my group if I didn’t try to deflect them ahead of time.
Here are six dangers that stalk small groups. Think of these “killers” as bullets with your group’s name on them. You’re lined up in the sights—but with God’s help, your group can dodge the fire.AIMLESSNESS
“He who aims at nothing will surely miss it,” the old saying goes. Many groups start out with more excitement than direction. They don’t identify a clear purpose for forming the group. If they do have a purpose, it’s often so vague that it doesn’t make any difference in what the group actually does. To head off the bullet of aimlessness, bring up this question at one of your meetings: “What is the purpose of our group?” If you can’t come up with a clear answer, get to work on it. People will tolerate aimlessness for a while, but they’ll soon drop out when something more interesting captures their attention. Most people have trouble participating when they don’t really know why they’re involved and they can’t identify the results.
Consider these five ways to dodge the aimlessness bullet:
• Identify a purpose for the group before scheduling the first meeting. This doesn’t have to be set in concrete—even a tentative focus will help. But make sure you have some definition in mind to help direct your initial planning and decision-making.
• Use the group’s purpose as a basis on which to invite others to participate in it. People are more likely to respond positively when they know why a group is being formed.
• During the first meeting(s), discuss the group’s reason for existence. Talking through the group’s purpose, clarifying misunderstandings, negotiating changes, and securing a final agreement on why the group exists and what you hope to accomplish is critical to a successful group experience.
• Conduct periodic reviews of the group’s purpose(s) to make sure you’re on the right track. This in-flight check is an important tool for following through on your early decisions regarding group goals.
• When the group reaches the end of its existence, evaluate how well it fulfilled its aims. Did you carry out your purposes? Why or why not? Celebrate your successes and identify the areas that needed improvement. This step will help provide satisfying closure and give you insights to take into your next group experience.POOR LEADERSHIP
A second bullet that could be heading your way is poor leadership. No single factor has greater potential for killing off a group than its leader (you or someone else). Too much or too little leadership can be fatal. The domineering taskmaster is just as dangerous as the spineless wonder.
Whatever their personal style, leaders must want the role and feel comfortable in it. They must model excitement about the group’s ministry potential as well as commitment to the group’s success. They should also understand group dynamics, enjoy serving people, and be able to communicate a clear vision.
Above all, leaders should be in a growing relationship with Christ and be eager to assist others in that same process.
The “death-by-leader” bullet is avoidable. If you’re the group leader, commit yourself to becoming the type of leader God can use to deflect Satan’s bullets. If you’re seeking a group leader, start with a careful selection and training process.
But remember to be realistic. No leader is perfect. Don’t set up such high expectations that nobody will meet the criteria. I look for leaders who are faithful, available, and teachable.

THE WRONG MIX
“Since God’s family includes people of all ages and backgrounds, so should our group.” This attitude, laudable as it may be, can end up firing the bullet of the wrong mix. The issue here is composition.
Groups that merge all types and ages of people can work, but in the long run they often don’t.
Unless members already have strong social bonds, such as in a very small church, most people will simply feel uncomfortable in a group with others who do not share their interests and experiences.
On the other hand, groups that try too hard to be homogeneous can fall into the trap of exclusivism. Members can be so familiar with each other that the group lacks a healthy stimulation from within. A group of people who are all alike can be the wrong mix, too.
When composition is ignored, Satan is quick to turn it into a deadly bullet. How can you dodge either extreme?
First, try structuring your group around people who are approximately the same age. A ten-year spread tends to work well. People in the same age group are more likely to have similar needs and interests. Most churches with successful small group ministries—i.e. at least 50 percent of adult members participate—follow this principle.
Second, give people a choice in which group they join. This flexibility will prevent rigid grouping systems based only on age (or some other factor), which can be as troublesome as a completely open-ended approach to composition.
Third, discuss the issue of composition in your group. If everyone is comfortable with widely varying ages in the group, fine—but do it by design, not by default.
Keep in mind that personality differences inevitably arise, regardless of age differences or similarities. Encourage each other to show “forbearance to one another in love” (Eph. 4:2), but recognize the legitimacy of people changing groups because of personality differences when other solutions have not worked.

SHALLOWNESS
When members keep each other at an emotional arm’s length, their interaction quickly deteriorates. The group may not die right away, but it can stagnate, lose members, and shrink to little more than a burden on busy calendars.
Shallowness is often a silent bullet triggered by negligence. Nobody intends to be superficial; it’s simply easier to stick to studying than to deal with each other’s needs and feelings.
Members start maintaining a dignified, polite exterior regardless of what’s happening on the inside.
How can a group work its way back from shallowness without having to conduct therapy sessions? Here are some ideas that have worked for me.
• Recognize that most people aren’t skilled in establishing and maintaining relationships. It’s a learning process for most of us, and few of our churches provide assistance. Armed with this realization, you’re better able to keep your expectations realistic and exercise greater patience with group members, the process, and yourself.
• Take time in your group to deal with group process. Talk occasionally about how things are going—what people are thinking and how they’re feeling about being in a group. This needn’t be a time of heavy corporate introspection—just an opportunity to take the group’s relational pulse. Remember: It takes time to mature as a group.
• Structure discussions and activities into your group sessions that encourage expression of personal attitudes, opinions, and feelings. When you do this, set some ground rules: (1) members are not forced to share, especially in matters they prefer to keep private, (2) attacking another’s feelings or opinions is not allowed, (3) nobody may dominate the group’s time, and (4) no member is expected to be perfect.
Especially in the group’s early stages, consider subdividing into groups of two to four people for discussion, prayer, etc. This strategy provides a comfort zone for learning to be open and honest with each other.

INDIVIDUALISM
“What’s in it for me?” is a common question in our me-first society.
Individualism is always potentially deadly to groups. It can take many forms: spotty attendance, a demand for specific behavior or activities, withdrawing from discussion—anything that elevates one member’s desires over the needs of the group and its members. Satan is very creative in getting us to judge and evaluate other members, and our group as a whole, from a selfish perspective.
Individualism runs exactly counter to what most small groups are attempting to build—Christian community, spiritual growth, mutual caring. The antidote is not trading in self-identities for group identity, but striking a balance between personal and group needs.
A group’s best defense against the bullet of individualism lies with its individual members. Beginning with the first meeting, discuss the vision for the group and the benefits of being in it. Help each other realize that membership entails a serious commitment to the other members, to attendance, and to active participation in group activities.
As in the strategy against shallowness, take the group’s relational pulse periodically. Be prepared: the day is likely to come when you must confront a group member (or yourself) with his or her individualistic orientation because it is injurious to the group. Your goal should be to correct the problem without crushing the person. Approach this person in private and with a humble attitude. Be honest but sensitive in your choice of words.

COMPETITION
We live in a busy world. Many opportunities clamor for our attention. How many times have you caught yourself thinking, Let me see . . . should I go to my small group or to ______? (You supply the alternative.) Satan is loading another bullet into his gun. Prepare to duck.
Far too often churches and other Christian organizations unwittingly set up competitive programming. People respond by choosing from activities like items on a menu, making decisions based on personal taste rather than on a sense of calling.
To head off competition at the pass, first determine whether the potential for it exists in your situation. Competition most often originates in structures created by the host church or organization. Ask, Are groups just one of many options, or are they integral to the life and existence of my church or organization? Are other programs scheduled at conflicting times?
Once you answer these questions, clearly establish with group members the level of commitment and expected participation. Membership should be by choice, not by default.
If your meetings conflict with other activities, consider rescheduling them so you’re not in competition with these other programs. Or, consult leaders in your church or organization and ask for their help in solving the dilemma.

BULLET-PROOFING YOUR GROUP
One of the best shields for all six of these bullets is a group covenant.
Although a written covenant may not be appropriate for all groups, it can work well in many groups as a tool for recruiting members, monitoring group progress, and evaluating the success of the group experience.
Use a covenant to outline the purpose of the group, expectations for participation, logistical details (e.g., time and location of meetings), and anything else you feel is important to establish up front. It can be drafted by the group or by the leader and then edited by the members.
If your group does take a hit from one of Satan’s bullets, the wound need not be fatal. Apply first-aid quickly—prayer, good leadership, and committed members willing to deal with the difficult issues. Proper treatment can bring about full recovery.
You can dodge a bullet with your name on it, Kid. But don’t step out into the line of fire without God’s protection. Depend on Him and be alert—and you’ll see those deadly missiles go whizzing harmlessly into the dust.Six Small Group Killers

Neal F. McBride

The old gunslinger stumbles in the dust, clutching his side. He turns to the youngster, his eyes already glazing over, and coughs out, “Ya can’t dodge a bullet if it’s got yer name on it, Kid.”

This classic scene from an old Western movie flashed into mind as I sat planning the coming year for my small group. I wondered what “bullets” of ignorance or lack of planning might prematurely kill off the life of my group if I didn’t try to deflect them ahead of time.

Here are six dangers that stalk small groups. Think of these “killers” as bullets with your group’s name on them. You’re lined up in the sights—but with God’s help, your group can dodge the fire.

AIMLESSNESS

“He who aims at nothing will surely miss it,” the old saying goes. Many groups start out with more excitement than direction. They don’t identify a clear purpose for forming the group. If they do have a purpose, it’s often so vague that it doesn’t make any difference in what the group actually does. To head off the bullet of aimlessness, bring up this question at one of your meetings: “What is the purpose of our group?” If you can’t come up with a clear answer, get to work on it. People will tolerate aimlessness for a while, but they’ll soon drop out when something more interesting captures their attention. Most people have trouble participating when they don’t really know why they’re involved and they can’t identify the results.

Consider these five ways to dodge the aimlessness bullet:

• Identify a purpose for the group before scheduling the first meeting. This doesn’t have to be set in concrete—even a tentative focus will help. But make sure you have some definition in mind to help direct your initial planning and decision-making.

• Use the group’s purpose as a basis on which to invite others to participate in it. People are more likely to respond positively when they know why a group is being formed.

• During the first meeting(s), discuss the group’s reason for existence. Talking through the group’s purpose, clarifying misunderstandings, negotiating changes, and securing a final agreement on why the group exists and what you hope to accomplish is critical to a successful group experience.

• Conduct periodic reviews of the group’s purpose(s) to make sure you’re on the right track. This in-flight check is an important tool for following through on your early decisions regarding group goals.

• When the group reaches the end of its existence, evaluate how well it fulfilled its aims. Did you carry out your purposes? Why or why not? Celebrate your successes and identify the areas that needed improvement. This step will help provide satisfying closure and give you insights to take into your next group experience.

POOR LEADERSHIP

A second bullet that could be heading your way is poor leadership. No single factor has greater potential for killing off a group than its leader (you or someone else). Too much or too little leadership can be fatal. The domineering taskmaster is just as dangerous as the spineless wonder.

Whatever their personal style, leaders must want the role and feel comfortable in it. They must model excitement about the group’s ministry potential as well as commitment to the group’s success. They should also understand group dynamics, enjoy serving people, and be able to communicate a clear vision.

Above all, leaders should be in a growing relationship with Christ and be eager to assist others in that same process.

The “death-by-leader” bullet is avoidable. If you’re the group leader, commit yourself to becoming the type of leader God can use to deflect Satan’s bullets. If you’re seeking a group leader, start with a careful selection and training process.

But remember to be realistic. No leader is perfect. Don’t set up such high expectations that nobody will meet the criteria. I look for leaders who are faithful, available, and teachable.

THE WRONG MIX

“Since God’s family includes people of all ages and backgrounds, so should our group.” This attitude, laudable as it may be, can end up firing the bullet of the wrong mix. The issue here is composition.

Groups that merge all types and ages of people can work, but in the long run they often don’t.

Unless members already have strong social bonds, such as in a very small church, most people will simply feel uncomfortable in a group with others who do not share their interests and experiences.

On the other hand, groups that try too hard to be homogeneous can fall into the trap of exclusivism. Members can be so familiar with each other that the group lacks a healthy stimulation from within. A group of people who are all alike can be the wrong mix, too.

When composition is ignored, Satan is quick to turn it into a deadly bullet. How can you dodge either extreme?

First, try structuring your group around people who are approximately the same age. A ten-year spread tends to work well. People in the same age group are more likely to have similar needs and interests. Most churches with successful small group ministries—i.e. at least 50 percent of adult members participate—follow this principle.

Second, give people a choice in which group they join. This flexibility will prevent rigid grouping systems based only on age (or some other factor), which can be as troublesome as a completely open-ended approach to composition.

Third, discuss the issue of composition in your group. If everyone is comfortable with widely varying ages in the group, fine—but do it by design, not by default.

Keep in mind that personality differences inevitably arise, regardless of age differences or similarities. Encourage each other to show “forbearance to one another in love” (Eph. 4:2), but recognize the legitimacy of people changing groups because of personality differences when other solutions have not worked.

SHALLOWNESS

When members keep each other at an emotional arm’s length, their interaction quickly deteriorates. The group may not die right away, but it can stagnate, lose members, and shrink to little more than a burden on busy calendars.

Shallowness is often a silent bullet triggered by negligence. Nobody intends to be superficial; it’s simply easier to stick to studying than to deal with each other’s needs and feelings.

Members start maintaining a dignified, polite exterior regardless of what’s happening on the inside.

How can a group work its way back from shallowness without having to conduct therapy sessions? Here are some ideas that have worked for me.

• Recognize that most people aren’t skilled in establishing and maintaining relationships. It’s a learning process for most of us, and few of our churches provide assistance. Armed with this realization, you’re better able to keep your expectations realistic and exercise greater patience with group members, the process, and yourself.

• Take time in your group to deal with group process. Talk occasionally about how things are going—what people are thinking and how they’re feeling about being in a group. This needn’t be a time of heavy corporate introspection—just an opportunity to take the group’s relational pulse. Remember: It takes time to mature as a group.

• Structure discussions and activities into your group sessions that encourage expression of personal attitudes, opinions, and feelings. When you do this, set some ground rules: (1) members are not forced to share, especially in matters they prefer to keep private, (2) attacking another’s feelings or opinions is not allowed, (3) nobody may dominate the group’s time, and (4) no member is expected to be perfect.

Especially in the group’s early stages, consider subdividing into groups of two to four people for discussion, prayer, etc. This strategy provides a comfort zone for learning to be open and honest with each other.

INDIVIDUALISM

“What’s in it for me?” is a common question in our me-first society.

Individualism is always potentially deadly to groups. It can take many forms: spotty attendance, a demand for specific behavior or activities, withdrawing from discussion—anything that elevates one member’s desires over the needs of the group and its members. Satan is very creative in getting us to judge and evaluate other members, and our group as a whole, from a selfish perspective.

Individualism runs exactly counter to what most small groups are attempting to build—Christian community, spiritual growth, mutual caring. The antidote is not trading in self-identities for group identity, but striking a balance between personal and group needs.

A group’s best defense against the bullet of individualism lies with its individual members. Beginning with the first meeting, discuss the vision for the group and the benefits of being in it. Help each other realize that membership entails a serious commitment to the other members, to attendance, and to active participation in group activities.

As in the strategy against shallowness, take the group’s relational pulse periodically. Be prepared: the day is likely to come when you must confront a group member (or yourself) with his or her individualistic orientation because it is injurious to the group. Your goal should be to correct the problem without crushing the person. Approach this person in private and with a humble attitude. Be honest but sensitive in your choice of words.

COMPETITION

We live in a busy world. Many opportunities clamor for our attention. How many times have you caught yourself thinking, Let me see . . . should I go to my small group or to ______? (You supply the alternative.) Satan is loading another bullet into his gun. Prepare to duck.

Far too often churches and other Christian organizations unwittingly set up competitive programming. People respond by choosing from activities like items on a menu, making decisions based on personal taste rather than on a sense of calling.

To head off competition at the pass, first determine whether the potential for it exists in your situation. Competition most often originates in structures created by the host church or organization. Ask, Are groups just one of many options, or are they integral to the life and existence of my church or organization? Are other programs scheduled at conflicting times?

Once you answer these questions, clearly establish with group members the level of commitment and expected participation. Membership should be by choice, not by default.

If your meetings conflict with other activities, consider rescheduling them so you’re not in competition with these other programs. Or, consult leaders in your church or organization and ask for their help in solving the dilemma.

BULLET-PROOFING YOUR GROUP

One of the best shields for all six of these bullets is a group covenant.

Although a written covenant may not be appropriate for all groups, it can work well in many groups as a tool for recruiting members, monitoring group progress, and evaluating the success of the group experience.

Use a covenant to outline the purpose of the group, expectations for participation, logistical details (e.g., time and location of meetings), and anything else you feel is important to establish up front. It can be drafted by the group or by the leader and then edited by the members.

If your group does take a hit from one of Satan’s bullets, the wound need not be fatal. Apply first-aid quickly—prayer, good leadership, and committed members willing to deal with the difficult issues. Proper treatment can bring about full recovery.

You can dodge a bullet with your name on it, Kid. But don’t step out into the line of fire without God’s protection. Depend on Him and be alert—and you’ll see those deadly missiles go whizzing harmlessly into the dust.

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